Not much going on

My body has been changing so much lately. After ovulation I get so exhausted up until I get my period, I never used to be tired. My boobs used to start hurting about three days before my period now they are starting to hurt a week early. I would get acne about three days before I got my period too and I'm already breaking out a week early. Also my period used to last two-three days and now it's four-five. It's annoying that I'm noticing all these small changes now because it's quite deceiving when your ttc. This month hasn't been as bad as last, im not obsessing over every little thing and I'm not planning anything. I was a little sad over Easter that I couldn't announce it when we were dying Easter eggs, but that is really the only thing I thought about. Oh and the hot tub, iv been wanting to sit in it so bad but if something is happening inside me that would be like cooking it, so no hot tub. And I'm on an alcohol kick, which means once or twice a week which is rare, but I can't drink it. I think I want things more now because I can't have them. We went a couple months without sitting in the hot tub, and I rarely ever drink. I'm sure if I get my period in a week I won't want any of that. But besides those small things, there's not much going on. I'm pretty content and just being normal. Hopefully this feeling stays this way for another week. 

Method #2

I am much happier now than in my last post. Definitely a mixture of evil period moods and the emotions of not conceiving. I'm just glad I'm happier now. This cycle is way different than the last already. Last month I did a crazy amount of research, ate certain foods and avoided certain foods, I wanted to be perfect. Now that didn't work at all to help conceive, I'm not even thinking about what I should or shouldn't be doing now, with some exceptions. I'm still not cleaning the cleaner and I'm ok with that, but it is annoying not being able to clean it and to rely on Brent to clean it, but he's doing a better job than I ever did. I'm still trying to exercise, key word is trying. I'm still not taking drugs, wouldn't want to even if we weren't trying to conceive. The day I got my period I drank a lot of coffee in retaliation and because I love it, but I'm so used to one cup a day now that it was too much. I got cavities filled on Monday and they gave me laughing gas, which caused a headache and I still have it. I wouldn't have had to option to get the gas if I was pregnant. I'm also craving alcohol. Not like taking shots or getting drunk, just a Bloody Mary or a beer with olives. It has been a very long time since iv had a beer, it just hasn't sounded good at all. I think now that it is getting warmer out a beer sounds delicious. I'll still cut out alcohol and extra caffeine once I'm in the two week wait which starts in a week. So for the rest of this week I'm going to live completely normal. That seems to be everyone's advice too, friends and family and online. If this doesn't help us to conceive maybe a combination of both? But I don't have anymore methods so it can't take longer than three months ;) iv also been contemplating telling my mom that we are trying for a baby. I think if it takes longer than three months and I'm upset or frustrated I'll tell her. Otherwise iv been pretty content with the people who know. I did also add my cousin Bethany who is more of a sister to the list of people who know. Hopefully I can keep this calmness once I'm in the two week wait, it really is much more peaceful. 

If I don't tell, don't ask

I still have been in a much happier place since we decided to try for a baby. Brent has notices this too. Life seems to be coming back around. I think I was lost trying to find my place as just a wife, and now that we are trying to conceive I feel a whole new sense of purpose. That is all great, but I am starting to have zero patience towards other people. More specifically people butting into my life. Since we've been married people ask if I'm pregnant or when were going to start trying. It didn't annoy me much then, it was giving me hope that it would come someday soon. Now when people ask me anything baby related I want to tell them to shut up and leave me alone. I never realized how private this process is and that there is way more to it than I thought. One of my aunts called Thursday and asked if I wanted to come over for dinner and I told her that I'll have to see because I have a stomachache and she asked right away if I was pregnant. It's irritating that once you get married you can't just have a regular stomachache. And then of course it was the day I got my period! I wanted so badly to say, well this was our first month trying and I just my period today so thanks for pointing out I failed bitch! Iv become quite an evil little person in my mind =\ but I never knew there was more to getting pregnant than just getting pregnant. You'd think people would be more sensitive. And poor Brent, he wanted to cheer me up and asked if I wanted to play life that same day and I said no, you have babies in that game and we don't in real life. I think iv learned I'm not emotional through this process so far, I'm just mean. And to make it even worse, another aunt text me today asking if I was taking prenatal vitamins and I was so confused how she could know this, I have told three people; my best friend, my neighbor, and a friend that lives in California, and anyone reading this, note to all you- don't tell anyone. But then she said I posted something about it in a closed Facebook group about the young living essential oils that I use and my aunt does too. Duh. So anyway, I told her yes I am taking them. That it's good to be on them now even if we weren't trying for another six months. (Not sure if anyone gets on prenatal vitamins that early) but then she asked if I had a secret and I said no. She said she didn't believe me and she thinks I am pregnant. My response to that was, "I can send you a picture of my bloody tampon" (I told you I'm so rude now) but then she asked if I promise I'm not pregnant. Yes, I really really really promise. I asked her to not ask me anymore because if I were pregnant I would be forced to tell her. I want to tell people were pregnant when we are in my time and in my way. It sucks that people are asking and I just got my period and I'm very rude about this PRIVATE matter. So to anyone that wants to be nosy all I have to say is shut up and leave me alone. I'm already cranky and now you're really pissing me off! I'm glad people are excited but nobody knows what going on behind our closed doors. And the nosy annoying people are taking OUR (Brent and I) joy, sadness, anger, or rudeness away. It's our process and our emotions. Let us have them. This isn't anyone else's journey unless we invite you to take it with us. So if I don't tell, don't ask. 

The girl that cried wolf

I got my period. I feel like I cried wolf, thinking I was pregnant and I wasn't. The past few weeks have been just off. I thought that it really could have been because I was pregnant and I wanted so badly to be able to say I knew it! Now all I can say is just kidding, I'm an idiot. I knew it was pretty unlikely to get pregnant our first cycle but I just wanted it to so bad. But at the same time, I'm not really upset. I thought I would be hysterically crying for at least a day, but nope. I'm just kind of like oh, it'll happen. And that is beyond weird for me. Does that mean I'm not ready for a baby?? I was so excited that if be able to tell my family over Easter and I think that's what I am most disappointed about, how pathetic? I am excited that I now have at least two weeks to finish painting the bedroom before there is a group if cells and worry about harming a forming baby. I also need to get back into a good exercise routine and now I have two weeks to form that routine. I also bought a book last month about preparing yourself, emotionally and psychically before you get pregnant. I would have been a little sad that I only read three chapters of that and then go pregnant. Of course I don't want it to take a long time to get pregnant, but this is also a process/journey and I know I have to take it.