Up and down

On Tuesday I passed a small clot and then has a little spotting for the next day. I thought I was going to have no other problems or bleeding after that first time. I am learning it's not just have one scare and you're fine, I now just want to make it through the first trimester, then I'm sure the 2nd and 3rd. I am just looking forward to being through the scariest part. I went in Friday and had blood drawn and that came back at 39,000!! Very high. If something happened to the baby on Tuesday there is no way my levels would be that high on Friday. I had more blood drawn today to make sure it's doubling. I'll know those results tomorrow and then hopefully an ultrasound tomorrow as well. Hearing the heartbeat is much needed right now. And of course we will know exactly how far along I am. I think I am 7 weeks 2 days. We'll see how far off I am. It's funny how the calculate pregnancy. You're considered 2 weeks already at conception, and my miscarriage will be 7 weeks ago tomorrow. So it's funny to say I think I'm 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant. 
My pregnancy symptoms are still going so that's a great sign. I have been super nauseous this past week, Brent says he is happy I feel sick haha, but I agree, it means everything is ok. Exhaustion has been hiting me hard this week too. I barely have gotten up off the couch. When I get up I am light headed and feel like I'm going to puke and I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I am excited for all of this to pass but I am also thankful that I'm not throwing up every few minutes. Another surprising thing has been my hate towards left overs. I have no problem eating a meal once, but if it's been in the fridge I don't even want to look at it. Brent loves having so much extra food around, but I'm struggling to find a full balanced meal. Hopefully my appetite starts to come back. I am glad I will be in the 2nd trimester when we go to the state fair. The food already sounds good. And Troy and Tiffany will be back for a week then. For the most part things are going good. A few ups and downs, but in the end the good outweighs the bad. 

What are you baby

I want to know so bad if this baby is a boy or girl. I am actually thinking about going to a psychic. Maybe see three different ones and if I get the same answer hopefully I'll believe it. Otherwise I have about 15 weeks left until I find out! That is so far away. I think this baby is a boy and the first baby was a girl. My neighbor thinks the opposite. I hope she is right! I want a girl so bad. Iv been trying to find some names, I figure I'll change my mind a million times so I better start early, and I'm super indecisive. We have a girls name we both like, Khloe, but it's not very unique and interesting. Iv always wanted a unique name, not something crazy like north west, just cute and unique. That's now the "in" thing which is lame, every name is original and unique and if course I'm not going to be able to come up with anything. 
On a different note, this baby is exhausting. I replanted six plants yesterday and after just digging one hole I was out of breathe. I had to take a break after each plant. I normally would get tired and take a break maybe half way through to get some water and cool down, but I was out of breathe instantly. I know this common, but it's still a surprise. You don't realize how different any activity is going to be until you do it. I love it though, it means my little tiny baby is getting a lot of oxygen and blood pumping to it! Id rather have a healthy happy growing baby than work on landscaping. There's always time for that later. But I always start projects and never finish them. That was one thing Brent said to me when I started to makeover our bedroom, I had to finish it. I had the motivation and will power to do it, but iv been told not to paint while I'm pregnant. So I'm forced to not finish. My mom and sister and my neighbor all said they would come finish for me, I'm glad it will be done but sad that I don't get to finish it. Hopefully I'll be able to finish my landscaping project. I love being outside and yard work/gardening is a perfect way to get out there. Otherwise if I get too hot or tired working outside I'll have to resort to indoor projects with the windows open. Close enough I guess! 

I knew it

I knew it!!! I was so confident we would get pregnant again right away and I knew I was pregnant three days after ovulation. All those symptoms I passed off as ovulation because I thought it was too early was definitely pregnancy symptoms. I took the bottom test last Wednesday and the next one the next morning. We were gone all weekend at the motocross races and when we got back I started having spotting on Monday. I was so sad that I was having a miscarriage again, but iv had such a good feeling about this baby before he/she was even conceived. I took another test on Monday and it very very very positive. I knew that was a good sign. Wednesday I took another to see of it was getting lighter but it was just as dark! It's actually darker than the reference line. I know my baby is fine and I know I will be holding this baby in my arms in February. Hopefully I have a great pregnancy from here on out. 

Hoping for some good news

today was supposed to be my first doctors appointment. I would have been 8 1/2 weeks. As time has gone by and life has gone on, everything has gone back to normal. That makes me happy and sad. I am happy that I'm not dwelling on anything or stuck in a hole, but I am sad because it's just not fair that time doesn't stand still and that my baby is gone. I'm glad I'm able to move forward but I feel like we just left our baby behind. Everything is feeling more like it did when we were trying to conceive, not like it's only been a few weeks since my baby died. It seems like this happened an eternity ago and I am afraid I will forget somehow. My friend Joanna send me a beautiful ring with the baby's due date and birthstone and the date I lost the baby and that stone. It is a great reminder that even though it seems like my baby is far away and long forgotten to the world, I will always remember and always love. 

We are now ready to get pregnant again. And I was pushy that we start trying right away. We were obviously good at making a baby the first time, only took two tries, and they say your more fertile after a miscarriage. We were 50/50, and now the odds are leaning our way. I swore I was pregnant again, everything was just like it was, only a lot sooner. Iv now written it off as ovulation. My face was breaking out and it only does when I'm about to get my period. I had a headache for a couple days, just like I did last time but my headache started about 4 days before my period was due. My back hurt and I had those gurgly noises. But it was about a week before my period is due. But now my stomach has been crampy, it's letting up though. I took a test today and it was clearly negative. It's so hard to say when I'm supposed to get my period but I'm assuming it should be showing up this weekend. May was a roller coaster of emotions. I never knew I could experience so many emotions so fast. I was excited, scared, sad, mortified, depressed, motivated, hopeful, excited again, nervous, and back to blah. Blah seems like a good place to be in. It can go either way to happy or sad and your ready for good or bad news. But I sure am ready for some much needed good news!