Hoping for some good news

today was supposed to be my first doctors appointment. I would have been 8 1/2 weeks. As time has gone by and life has gone on, everything has gone back to normal. That makes me happy and sad. I am happy that I'm not dwelling on anything or stuck in a hole, but I am sad because it's just not fair that time doesn't stand still and that my baby is gone. I'm glad I'm able to move forward but I feel like we just left our baby behind. Everything is feeling more like it did when we were trying to conceive, not like it's only been a few weeks since my baby died. It seems like this happened an eternity ago and I am afraid I will forget somehow. My friend Joanna send me a beautiful ring with the baby's due date and birthstone and the date I lost the baby and that stone. It is a great reminder that even though it seems like my baby is far away and long forgotten to the world, I will always remember and always love. 

We are now ready to get pregnant again. And I was pushy that we start trying right away. We were obviously good at making a baby the first time, only took two tries, and they say your more fertile after a miscarriage. We were 50/50, and now the odds are leaning our way. I swore I was pregnant again, everything was just like it was, only a lot sooner. Iv now written it off as ovulation. My face was breaking out and it only does when I'm about to get my period. I had a headache for a couple days, just like I did last time but my headache started about 4 days before my period was due. My back hurt and I had those gurgly noises. But it was about a week before my period is due. But now my stomach has been crampy, it's letting up though. I took a test today and it was clearly negative. It's so hard to say when I'm supposed to get my period but I'm assuming it should be showing up this weekend. May was a roller coaster of emotions. I never knew I could experience so many emotions so fast. I was excited, scared, sad, mortified, depressed, motivated, hopeful, excited again, nervous, and back to blah. Blah seems like a good place to be in. It can go either way to happy or sad and your ready for good or bad news. But I sure am ready for some much needed good news!