Putting Patience to the Test

lately I have realized I hate blogging, obviously why I never update. Everything has been so opposite of what I thought. I though I would want to announce on facebook right away, but ended up waiting until the 3rd trimester. I thought I would want to document every little thing and keep a huge journal and these blog posts, but Not once have I been excited about blogging. I think it's a good thing for me though to not want to document everything, it helps me live in the moment and realize what's truly important. However, having every little thing documented would be so nice to show our little baby once she gets older. I usually keep every little thing and every thing has so much meaning to me, but now being pregnant I just don't care as much. Part of it may be from having the first miscarriage, it makes you more protective, and I've had a few scares here and there. Couple times of bleeding in the first trimester/ early second. That made me procrastinate announcing on Facebook for sure. And now in the 3rd trimester I have had bleeding twice. Everything came back normal which is always great to hear, but it also means no explanation. I have also been having horrible horrible pains in crotch, like someone is constantly kicking me. They said that is because she is sitting extremely low (like she has this entire pregnancy) and that also explains the horrible back pains I have been having. I have also been having braxton hicks (the "fake" contractions) for a few weeks now, and my doctor said possibly some real ones In there too. This pregnancy has had a very large amount of aches and pains and worries. And it doesn't help when your doctor even tells you that you have it worse than others. I would rather here it's all normal suck it up. And now, this past week has been beyond miserable. My poor husband caught a stomach virus/flu but only had it for two days and we thought I was in the clear until four days later I'm throwing up and having diarrhea and braxton hicks literally all at the same time. How miserable. What's even worse, my friend was throwing me a baby shower this past sunday and I had to cancel. Such a let down for everyone. I have so much guilt now ontop of everything. I feel like I come across as a whiny baby that can't just suck it up. I have so much love and appreciate for my friend and I hate that I'm the one that caused her pain by canceling the shower even though she was understanding. I know it still didn't feel good for her. And now that I am no longer throwing up and my fever is gone, I am hit with more. I have extreme upper abdominal pains. I haven't been able to get up off the couch for the past 2 days. Only to pee and feed the animals. And when I do get up I'm in such horrible pain I am in tears. The nurse I talked to didn't quite understand and thought I was still having tummy troubles from being sick, but finally she got that all of that is over with and this is extreme upper abdominal pains. Basically got no help from her. If I'm not better tomorrow I will just go into the hospital on Thursday. I need some relief. And to top it off even more, we leave Saturday morning at 7am to go 3 hours north to my parents to celebrate Christmas. How it all is going to work I'm not sure, but I'm just taking it day by day. Just praying for some relief and safety for my baby.